Nafisat sat at the edge of her bed, the glow of the lamp illuminating the tears in her eyes. The words of the imam from their family counseling session rang in her ears: “Polygamy is not just about sharing a husband; it’s about sharing yourself with patience, kindness, and faith.”
Faith. She sighed. Faith was the thread holding her together, even when her world felt like it was unraveling.
It had been two years since she married Idris, a kind-hearted man with a boyish smile that melted her heart. She had known he had another wife—Amirah—but she never anticipated how deeply that reality would test her strength. Sharing a husband wasn’t the story she had imagined for herself as a little girl, spinning dreams of love and partnership under the mango tree in her family’s compound.
At first, it was awkward—a constant tug-of-war between jealousy and understanding. The first time Idris mentioned Amirah during one of their evening walks, Nafisat had smiled, her fingers clutching her scarf tightly, as though holding herself together. Inside, her emotions churned: Why did he need someone else if he had me? Was I not enough?
The real test came one rainy Saturday evening. Nafisat had prepared Idris’s favorite dish—Jollof rice, with just the right amount of spice—only to hear him say, “I’ll have to eat quickly. I promised Amirah I’d help her with something tonight.”
Her heart sank, but she forced a smile. “Of course,” she replied, her voice steady. She watched him leave, the sound of the rain mingling with the ache in her chest.
That night, as the rain subsided, Nafisat knelt on her prayer mat. She poured her heart out to Allah, tears streaking her face. She asked for strength, for guidance, and for contentment. She recited the verse she had clung to since childhood:
“Perhaps you dislike a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not.” (Qur’an 2:216)
The Heartwarming Turning Point
A few weeks later, the air in the compound was filled with the shrill cries of Amirah’s youngest child, Mariam. Nafisat was in her garden, tending to her herbs, when she saw Amirah rushing out of her home, her face pale and her baby burning with fever.
Without thinking twice, Nafisat dropped her tools and ran to Amirah. “What’s wrong?” she asked urgently.
“I think it’s malaria,” Amirah stammered, her voice cracking. “But Idris isn’t here, and I don’t know what to do!”
“Let’s go,” Nafisat said firmly, wrapping her scarf around her head. “I’ll take you to the clinic.”
Amirah hesitated, surprise flickering across her face. Nafisat simply grabbed the baby bag and ushered her toward her car. The drive to the clinic was silent, except for Mariam’s faint cries. Nafisat focused on the road, offering silent duas for the baby’s recovery.
At the clinic, Nafisat stayed by Amirah’s side, helping her fill out forms, calming Mariam, and speaking gently to the doctor. When the baby’s fever began to subside after treatment, Amirah turned to Nafisat, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”
Nafisat smiled, a lump forming in her throat. “We’re in this together, Amirah. You don’t have to face it alone.”
In that moment, something shifted. The walls of rivalry that had silently stood between them began to crumble. For the first time, Nafisat saw Amirah not as competition but as someone carrying a burden just like her own.
The next day, Nafisat brought over a bowl of steaming pepper soup to Amirah’s house. “This will help Mariam get better,” she said. Amirah accepted it with a small smile, and they shared a quiet meal together.
Building Bridges
Over time, that one act of kindness became the bridge that mended their strained relationship. Nafisat began visiting Amirah occasionally, and they started sharing stories about their childhoods, their aspirations, and even their struggles in navigating polygamy.
Idris noticed the change, too. “You’ve become stronger,” he said one evening, admiration evident in his voice.
Nafisat smiled. “I just decided to focus on what I can control and leave the rest to Allah.”
She realized that her turning point wasn’t just about being kind to Amirah—it was about being kind to herself. By letting go of resentment, she freed herself from the chains of bitterness that had weighed her down.
Coping Mechanisms for Polygamy
At the end of a women’s halaqah (Islamic study circle) where Nafisat shared her story, she outlined steps that had helped her navigate the complexities of polygamy:
- Strengthen Your Relationship with Allah:
- Pray for patience, contentment, and guidance.
- Recite and reflect on Qur’anic verses and hadiths about marriage and trials.
- Trust that Allah’s plan is always better than yours.
- Embrace Emotional Honesty:
- Acknowledge your feelings without shame. It’s okay to feel hurt, jealous, or confused.
- Journal your thoughts or confide in someone you trust to process your emotions.
- Communicate Respectfully:
- Speak openly with your husband about your concerns and needs, but avoid confrontational tones.
- Build a relationship with your co-wife based on mutual respect and understanding.
- Focus on Personal Growth:
- Develop your skills, hobbies, and interests. A fulfilling personal life reduces feelings of inadequacy.
- Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who uplift you.
- Set Healthy Boundaries:
- Clearly define time and responsibilities with your husband to avoid misunderstandings.
- Advocate for fairness in his treatment, as Islam prescribes equality among wives.
- Build a Co-Wife Sisterhood:
- Avoid competing with or undermining each other. Instead, work together for the benefit of the family.
- Find common goals, such as co-parenting or household management.
- Practice Gratitude:
- Focus on the blessings in your life, whether it’s your children, health, or spiritual growth.
- Keep a gratitude journal to shift your perspective from what’s lacking to what’s abundant.
- Seek Professional Support:
- Don’t hesitate to involve a trusted scholar, counselor, or mediator if conflicts arise.
- Participate in marital counseling sessions to strengthen communication.
- Make Dua for Peace:
- Pray for harmony within your family and for the strength to handle trials with grace.
- Celebrate the Small Wins:
- Acknowledge progress, whether it’s mending a relationship or finding inner peace.
Nafisat’s story reminded the women in the room that life’s challenges, even in the most delicate matters of the heart, can be overcome with faith, resilience, and mutual support. She ended with a smile, saying, “Polygamy taught me not just about sharing my husband, but about sharing love, patience, and trust in Allah’s wisdom. And that, my sisters, is how I found peace.”
